In retrospect, although clearly a cruel form of punishment, it gave some of us gay kids some comfort. If present, they were quick to reprimand the offender and even washed out their mouth with soap for all to see. Crushes that I had to keep to myself with no one else I could share them with like the other straight kids did-lest my dark secret be revealed.Įven though I attended Catholic school all my life, I saw compassion in the eyes of the teachers and even nuns who witnessed the taunting of gay children. I saw how the few, effeminate boys were treated by all the other kids both boys and girls so quickly learned to blend in and “pass” as best as I could.ĭuring my years at St Anselm’s, I did receive a number of taunts and name calling but they were very rare and I was easily able to ride out the storm at any given moment by laughing along and joking about it to deflect it and not show that it bothered me.īy the time we were approaching our teen years and developing relationships, I had my share of crushes on some of the other boys. If you were in a park or with other kids then the word was faggot.īarely in first grade, I was already familiar with the word and what it meant.Īt such a young age, I went through an existential crisis that lasted well into my college years at Iona in New Rochelle (yes, another Catholic school).Įvery waking moment I was aware of who I was but terrified for others to find out because I didn’t want to be ridiculed or ostracized.
That is, until I finally learned the language which described who I was.Īt a very early age I began to understand what those words meant for growing up Puerto Rican in the South Bronx, we always knew a neighborhood queer man (lesbians seemed more hidden and obscure in those days, at least to me) and even Trans women in the neighborhood or our own families.Īdults oftentimes didn’t think that children were listening as they’re playing with other kids (or they forget they did too when they were young) but we did.Ĭonversations over domino games while slamming down on the table and yelling ¡CAPICÚ! you would here the occasional, “ese es un maricón” or “pato”. I knew I didn’t really like girls where little boys would often have crushes on members of the opposite sex, I found myself attracted to the same sex. Since the age of four years old I knew I was not like the others boys growing up around me and many will argue that you can’t possibly know you’re gay at such a young age and that is true because I didn’t have the language to express it yet but I knew.
Throughout my childhood and teenage years, from grammar school at St Anselm’s Catholic School where I attended from Head Start through 8th grade (ten years of my life from age 4 to 14) to Cardinal Spellman High School, I always knew I was different. Well at least the Ls and Gs of that ever growing acronym were. In June of 2016, I received a proclamation during pride month from New York City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-ViveritoĪ version of this post was originally published on October 11, 2016.Īs a child of the 70s and 80s, my own coming of age story and admitting to myself (and others) who I truly was-a gay, Puerto Rican male from The Bronx-came at a pivotal moment in history as the LGBTQ community was becoming more accepted and mainstream.